3rd wheel? 5th wheel? 7th wheel? argh!!!!

Last night I went out to dinner with a friend, who also happens to be unattached, and part of our convo related to the pros and cons of being single. Overall, I think we are pretty well-adjusted examples of living single and enjoying life, but one thing we agreed on disliking is situations where we are the only singles amongst a group of couples. Being the odd one out is just awkward and not fun, no matter how great and un-coupley the relationshippers are. 

It's strange - I can be having an awesome day, cooking my crazy vegetarian food at home, going for a run by the beach, calling my mom to chat forever about recipes, singing in my house at the top of my lungs, watching reality shows no boyfriend would ever watch with me - really enjoying the single life, and then I'll go to a party full of  couples and all the sudden doubt that my life has as much meaning and purpose. Where does that thought come from???? Well, maybe it's all the "We just love that band", "Isn't life so busy right now, my husband's in grad school so WE are just overwhelmed", "I wanted to meet up with you the other day, but WE just had to do laundry that night".  Come on! Are you an individual at all anymore?????

I am blessed with a large friend group with a mixture of singles and couples, and as long as the event I'm going to has at least a few singles going, I'll attend, but if I'm the only one, no way! I'd much prefer going to a restaurant on my own and taking a good book - far more entertaining than being the 5th wheel at a dinner party!!!

Single possibilities in 1800s England

I recently watched the series "Regency House Party" from the BBC - a time traveling reality TV show that placed several young, single men and women (along with chaperones) back in the courtship rituals of the Regency Era of the early 1800s. The modern participants had to follow appropriate social restrictions and fully engaged in the lifestyle of the time- complete with maids, corsets, chamber pots, and needlework. It was a really interesting series - especially fascinating to see how some of them chafed at the confines of social practices at the time.

At the end of the series several pairings emerged, however, Haley Conick, who remained somewhat detached from the suitors throughout, expressed her lack of interest in a Regency-Era marraige. Check out this video, starting at the 2 minute mark.

 

How frustrating it must have been for women who desired independence at that time! I feel so sad for the women of that time (and women in various parts of the world today) who do not have the luxury of being independent. Funny how some people think it is a "curse" to be single and 30+, when that was a situation many must have pined for back in those days. To think that being a courtesan was basically the only way to have control over your life - wow!!!!

Living the life!!!

I have an amazing life.   I live exactly where I want to, in beautiful, sunny San Diego.  I'm 31 and in good health.  I enjoy much of my job as an art history teacher (besides the grading).  I have a fantastic relationship with my parents, and lots and lots of friends. I have a vibrant spiritual life that keeps me grounded. And , believe it or not, I am happy despite having been single for over six years.

Yup, I often hear "How are you still single?" and "Don't worry, the right guy is out there - you'll find him one day" and get those sympathetic looks when they find out I'm not dating anyone.  Those reactions used to bug me, but to be perfectly honest, now I just find them amusing.  There are good and bad things about everybody's situation. Sure, my married friends cite companionship, stability and their burgeoning families as the benefits of being in relationships, but for me, I think freedom, personal control, and having a mulititude of important friendships are valid counterarguments if we are keeping a tally (which I don't recommend).  For me, I've moved beyond trying to figure out which is better, being single or in a relationship, and I'm focusing on the positives of the life I have!

So, my blog is going to focus on things to life up those of us in that singles category - create a community, share stories, encourage each other, etc.  Whether you are just needing some happy thoughts as you transition out of a relationship, or have been solidly single for some time, join me as we ride together in the single lane!!!